Capture Crashers
by 3-13 Sniper
Summary: Matteus is beaten to within an inch of his life by the team, and gets captured. His perspective is radically shifted, and he decides to accompany the players on their travels. Hilarity ensues.
1. Prologue - Gotcha!

Matteus was not having a particularly good day.

A few hours ago, he had suddenly been forced awake by something. Whatever it was that had done so had so far remained unidentified, but that didn't stop Matteus from being more than a little pissed off at it.

Because whenever Matteus woke up, his endless hunger soon followed suit.

And that generally did not result in a good time for anyone.

The one bright spot to this day, he thought, would have to be the soon-to-be delicious morsels that he was currently beating the tar out of. Or, that's what he would have liked to say, if it weren't for the fact that the complete opposite was happening.

Whoever these morsels were, he would have to admit that they were no ordinary delicacies. They had seemingly remained undaunted by his stony curse giving them a time limit, and every time Matteus killed one of them, he found that they would soon get right back up and keep fighting like their life hadn't just ended.

Something that had slightly disturbed him since the battle began was how similar one of his opponents was to himself. They had the same outfit, the same long blonde hair, and he would occasionally switch his weapon out for a sword that looked like a perfect replica of his own prized Berzerker. Not to mention that every time they found themselves in a blade-lock, neither one could trump the other in terms of raw strength. The only difference was that the morsel was a human, and not a golem like Matteus.

Which, in retrospect, only seemed to make his insane power even more unbelievable. How could a being of such deliciously weak flesh possess strength on a level as ridiculous as his?

And that wasn't counting all the outlandish abilities of his allies. Matteus found the morsel with the large milk-orbs and the small cat to be the more annoying ones, as one was constantly being shielded by his counterpart, letting her repeatedly nuke him using her ludicrous magical power with impunity, while the other was much too small to consistently land attacks on, and would often distract him to let the others get some free hits in.

That wasn't to say that the other two didn't contribute plenty. The morsel with all the advanced tech would occasionally attack Matteus with bombs that apparently fell from nowhere, and that blasted fancy car was never far behind, shooting him with everything it had whenever an opening was presented to it. He wondered how the metal behemoth was able to maneuver so effectively within the temple housing the great clash, but that was quickly pushed to the side.

And then there was the morsel with the bow. She had been largely relegated to a support role, as most of her skills seemed to be rendered ineffective against his earthen nature. But that didn't mean she was dead weight, oh no. He would often find himself struck with perfectly-aimed arrows, usually landing in his eyes or joints or somewhere else that debilitated him. To Matteus, she was more of a nuisance than an annoyance, but the fact that she contributed still stood.

All these factors combined led to him completely exhausting his emergency supply of bacon in an attempt to stay on his feet, and though he would never admit it, that scared him a little. They were running out of time, sure, but that only made the feat more impressive - to be so powerful as to force him to run out of reserve fuel completely within such a short period was no small task.

In fact, Matteus was already beginning to feel his last crispy fat-induced burst of strength slipping away. All the various status effects he had been hit with weren't helping matters. At the moment, he was still reeling from Weaken, Tired, Bad Luck, and a few others he couldn't name off the top of his head. It was becoming harder and harder to move and swing his sword effectively, and his vision was becoming progressively dimmer as the minutes wore on.

But he held onto the hope that he would have his meal at the end of the day. If he held out just a little longer, the curse would take full effect and the morsels would be rendered unable to fight.

That was the sole thought that kept him going, even after taking another massive column of light magic to the face and suffering through yet another impalement via giant holy sword.

He retaliated with a triple Cataclysm, spawning three oversized blades from the earth below them. Two of the three were dodged, while the last hit Matteus' double. As expected of one who took his visage, he simply shrugged it off like it was nothing and lashed out with another brutal 9-hit combo of slashes and stabs, forcing the golem back.

It was then that something Matteus had never expected to happen came to pass.

Out of the blue, he was struck by a sticky projectile that expanded in a flash to become a large web, rooting him to the ground where he stood. Glancing in the direction the attack had come from, he spotted… a Putrid Worm. One of the lowliest types of foe to exist in the world.

Matteus began to mentally rage at the fact that such a low-level monster had been able to land a blow on him…

...and was promptly interrupted by the large metal container that fell on him from above.

He had no idea what was going on at the moment. The one suggestion that came to mind was struggling to escape his abrupt confinement…

...but that was soon rendered impossible.

His prison flashed white, and suddenly, Matteus felt something inside of him snap with such force that it knocked him clear off his feet, blasting the newly-grown silk strings away. His sword flew out of his hands, spinning end over end in the air before planting itself in the ground next to him.

The force wasn't limited to just his body, though - his mind felt it just as much, if not more. That ended up leaving Matteus in a completely catatonic state, for what seemed like quite a while. He could hear what seemed like voices coming from outside his cage, yet he didn't move a stony muscle. He didn't even notice the container being lifted and removed. He simply remained with his back to the ground, giving the ceiling a dead-eyed stare.

The party of five he had just been battling then filled his vision, apparently debating amongst themselves on the subject of the creature they had just captured.

"Uh… did we break him?" Asked the one with the bow.

"I don't know. This is the first time I've ever seen a captured foe act like this." Answered the one with the staff.

"Well… maybe we could try feeding it? It did seem to go on and on about food while it was trying to kill us. And… eat us, apparently." Said the one with the gun. That statement also seemed to unnerve the blonde one and that cat.

But the mention of food seemed to do the trick, as Matteus immediately snapped to a sitting position, twisting his head around like he was desperately searching for something. A small bit of drool could be seen escaping the corner of his rocky mouth.

"Food? Where?! Where's the food?!"

The sudden movement spooked the party, all of them jumping back a few feet in surprise. The one in the officer's garb looked to be a hair's breadth away from shooting him with the revolver he was carrying.

In his shock, Matteus' counterpart failed to notice that a partially-wrapped hamburger had escaped its confinement and was falling to the ground from wherever he had stored it. The faint sound of it hitting the floor forced Matteus' attention to lock on to it at speeds rivaling those of the resident no-legged cat.

When he realized what the object was, what little inhibitions he had flew right out the window.

"FOOOOOD!"

Matteus instantly lunged towards the delicious treat, while the other four people (and one cat) in the room were left completely dumbfounded at the events unfolding before their eyes. But when he began to chow down on the bit of sustenance, wrapping included, the human swordsman realized exactly what it was.

"Wait a second-HEY! THAT'S MY EMERGENCY BURGER! WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?!"

He made as if to separate the golem from the food, but was too late, as it had already disappeared down the creature's throat.

What happened next completely changed Matteus forever.

The moment he felt the burger hit his stomach… his unending desire to consume everything, his most prominent and quite honestly, the only character trait he possessed that he considered worth noting, disappeared completely.

He blinked. Once. Twice.

And then he lost consciousness.

* * *

When Matteus came to, he was lying on a bed in an unfamiliar place.

He slowly sat up and looked around. He had never been outside the Temple of Trials before, so anything that wasn't black stone, red-tinted glass, or chandeliers was completely foreign to him.

He saw none of those things where he was at the moment. What he did see was a lot of varying shades of brown, a tiny bit of green, and a fair amount of black.

That, and the five faces he had come to know as his captors.

But, for some reason, despite knowing that they were the ones responsible for his current state, he… couldn't find the effort within himself to continue the fight or eat them.

Then he noticed that he _wasn't hungry. _

That led him to once again collapse on the bed and think about what that meant, despite the fact that thinking had never been his strong suit.

That also attracted the attention of the others, who now crowded around him, yet stayed oddly silent.

Eventually, after a brief brainpower moment, Matteus came to a conclusion.

These five faces had somehow ridded him of his desire to kill and eat every living thing he happened to come across.

That meant he was now completely devoid of a purpose in life.

As such, he was in need of a new one.

But he wasn't going to take up any new path. No, it would have to be one that would utilize the skills he had to their fullest potential.

Said skills being his natural talent for hitting things until they died with a slab of metal about as large as he was tall, and having the stomach of an undefeated competitive speed eater.

With that in mind, he sat up once more and turned to the four humans and one cat that had bested him in combat, and offered a proposal.

"Can I come with you guys?"

* * *

**A/N: You can't tell me that Matt wouldn't carry around an emergency burger at all times if he had the chance.**

**Anyway...**

**To all you fans of the Evil Players out there, I present to you this silly little thing.**

**The idea behind this soon-to-be stupid series of misadventures came to me when I was summoning the superbosses in battle so I could see what they had to say. After doing so, I thought "hey, nobody's really explored the capture mechanic yet... I wonder what would happen if I took that budding idea and ran with it?" So I wrote up this. **

**I haven't finished the second chapter yet, but you can soon expect to see the wacky shenanigans of a literal blockhead, religious pyromaniac, combat cyborg, and kawaii devil. With occasional appearances of a super saiyan cat that may or may not be God.**

**See you then!**

**[TRANSMISSION ENDED]**


	2. Crossalia Was Caught!

Matteus was having a pretty nice day.

Ever since he had begun to accompany the party of five, he felt that his life, along with many other things, had improved vastly.

Thinking back on his decision - which was a once-in-a-lifetime occurrence for him - led to him coming to the conclusion that it was the best one he'd ever made, and likely would make.

But then his head started to hurt, so he stopped.

In other news, his companions were, all things considered, really strange people. A regular "rag-tag bunch of misfits," if you will.

His counterpart - whose name was, fittingly, Matt - shared many of his own traits, like an uncanny ability to hit things really hard until they died, as well as being sturdy as a mountain. He was also a really big eater - they had actually literally cleaned out an unlucky inn's storehouse once. Sure, they'd gotten kicked out for it, but they were still both in agreement that it was so totally worth it.

He also happened to not be the sharpest sword in the armory, but as far as he was concerned, that was perfectly fine. Unofficial leader though he may be, he wasn't exactly concerned with such trivial things as science or math or coin-counting, though Matteus suspected that he had actually taken on that last one as a closet hobby. Speaking of which, Matt was also the biggest kleptomaniac he'd ever seen. In the short time he'd been tagging along, he'd already helped loot over ten different shops, along with countless more treasure chests lost in the great wide world.

That had inevitably resulted in some lectures from the resident mage, but a concept like morality was a little too complicated for Matteus to completely wrap his head around. Plus, even he could tell that she was only putting up a token effort and didn't really mean what she was saying anyway.

There was something odd about the swordsman, though. Occasionally, he would turn to look at a random point in the scenery when he thought nobody could see him and speak to something. The things he said also didn't really make a lot of sense - something about "text boxes," "EXP rates," "farming materials," "grinding," and other stuff that was completely foreign to Matteus. These ramblings would also sometimes occur in battle, but with different terms, like "status effects," "cooldowns," "limit breaks," and "damage calculations." He wasn't sure if Matt was going crazy or not, but when he considered that he was a walking, talking pile of rocks that loved nothing more than eating and slaying monsters anywhere from two to five times his size using a weapon that should've been considered to be highly impractical by every blacksmith worth their salt, Matteus decided that questioning the irregularity would be hypocritical and a waste of time for everyone involved.

In any case, Natalie was an odd one. She would have occasional outbursts where she proclaimed her love for certain foes that they ended up fighting - particularly small, furry animals that weren't bats. He still didn't understand why she felt compelled to do that, but considering how it seemed that the archer was the only one who actually did get why she did such things, he decided it was irrelevant.

Despite that, Matteus couldn't deny that she was an unbelievably competent magician. He himself had never really dabbled in the mystic arts, but seeing Natalie in action almost made him wish that he did. Almost. Huge fireballs, actual thunderstorms, giant ice spikes, the power to heal, not to mention bring back the recently-deceased, a watered-down holy Judgement Day, even a literal _black hole… _suffice to say, he was having hard time finding something she _couldn't _do.

Well, besides take a punch. Seriously, you would expect a mage of her caliber to at least have passable physical defenses, but nope. She was built like a twig, and was about as hardy as one, too. Oh, well. Matt had the meat-shield act down pat anyway.

If Matteus had to describe Lance, he would say that he was like a sweet with an unappetizing appearance. He wasn't the friendliest person in the history of the world, but Matteus found that if you earned his trust, he'd be more than willing to take a bullet for you. But in Lance's case, he'd also give back six more. Even if one discounted all the various robotic troops he had at his disposal, including his air support, his orbital weapons platform, and the monstrous Neon Valkyrie, he could likely still take on an army and come out on top. He just never seemed to run out of ammo for his ever-present revolver pistol (Matteus felt a strange urge to call it a gunblade for some reason for a short moment), and the massive cannon he had perpetually strapped to his back could give Natalie a serious run for her money in the field of destructive potential.

In fact, quite a lot about Lance was destructive. He typically came off looking like he hated everyone and everything, which was actually kind of true. However, Matteus had picked up a lot of not-so-subtle hints that gave away his actual feelings. Delivering backhanded compliments while assisting one of the other party members with a task, occasionally taking over post-battle medical duty when Natalie wasn't feeling up to par, intentionally leaving out unfinished snacks whenever he left Matt or Matteus' side for them to chow down on, and other things typical of a male tsundere. Not that he would ever admit it, of course.

Anna, the last human left on the team that he hadn't detailed, was also the youngest of them all, and Matteus could safely say that it showed. She could be quite clumsy when she wasn't in a situation that called for her specific skill set, and her naïveté was a sight to behold on the rare occasion that it became apparent. Beyond that, though, she could be surprisingly mature about a great many subjects when needed, sometimes even more so than Natalie, the self-proclaimed 'Straight Woman' of the group. She actually had something in common with Matt, and by extension Matteus in that regard - all three were childish to some degree, and that would occasionally influence their choices. But when they needed to get serious, they _really _got serious.

Especially whenever she whipped out her bow. Matteus was never big on archery, but spending who-knew-how-many years fighting all kinds of upstart wannabe heroes who had foolhardedly charged into the Temple of Trials had led to him becoming at least somewhat experienced with the ways of the arrow. And that experience told him that Anna was no ordinary archer. The sheer size of her weapon class automatically marked her as someone not to be messed with even to the untrained eye. Matteus knew that she must have been packing some serious muscle under that ditzy village girl exterior to even be able to lift the things, much less fire them. But not only was she able to use them, she was able to do so with nigh-perfect efficiency. Every single shot of hers was calculated down to the most minute detail, and she could make at least three individual shots in the span of a second. (Matteus suspected that she could go faster, but simply never had a good enough reason to.) That wasn't even counting her prowess in the other areas of hunting, such as stealth, tracking, trap-making, and general agility, not to mention her prominent magical ability. In short, she was one of the last people anyone would want to mess with.

Finally, Matteus came to the resident team pet, NoLegs the cat. He was definitely an interesting creature, to say the least. He appeared to belong to Matt, as he was often seen spending the most time with him. He also seemed to understand most of what was being said around him, which was odd, given the fact that on the surface, he looked just like any other one of the massive amount of cat soldiers that the team had slain in their travels. Matteus could never really get a read on his personality on his own, owing to the fact that he only ever spoke in cat noises (which Matt and Natalie somehow understood to a limited degree), but from what he could gather, he sounded like a pretty sassy individual, constantly snarking off at Matt and a few of the other party members whenever he joined in on a conversation. The only one he exempted from that treatment was Natalie, for some odd reason. Strangely, whenever it was just him, her, and Matt, he would occasionally say something to one out of range of the other's hearing that would make them blush. If Matteus didn't know better, he'd say NoLegs was trying to play matchmaker.

Anyway, as was customary for anyone traveling with Matt, he was also an incredibly competent fighter. He may not have been the hardiest or strongest being in existence, but he didn't have to be when he could dodge practically every attack thrown his way with near contemptible ease. That same quickness also translated to his skill with his ever-present sword and shield combo, enabling him to land strikes at a speed that put Anna to shame. What he lacked in power, he more than made up for with the sheer number of attacks he could launch per second. Once, Matteus even swore that NoLegs moved so fast that he had split into multiple afterimages to attack a single foe, dishing out so many cuts that by the time he was done, the thing was almost completely covered in crimson from all the blood that it was leaking out. But his prowess didn't end there - no, if some of his most powerful skills were to be believed, he also had some friends in _very_ high places, if the glowing cats piloting the mechs summoned to condemn his enemies to oblivion were any indication. In the end, Matteus concluded, this little blue cat was much, _much _more badass than he supposedly had any right to be.

But that was enough about his new traveling companions. There was adventure to be had! Money to make! Food to eat! Foes to curb-stomp! Pointless sidequests to complete! Pocket monsters to capture!

Wait, what was that last one?

Eh, who cared? It was time to move out again!

* * *

Eventually, the team had made their way back to the Temple of Trials. Finally seeing it from an outside perspective, Matteus did suppose that it looked quite ominous and Very Definitely Final Dungeon-y. Which probably explained why so many incompetent dumbasses with delusions of grandeur had decided to venture inside to conquer whatever evils lay within, only to have their skulls handed to their beheaded corpses on silver platters.

Shaking those needless thoughts away, Matteus followed the five player characters through the large doorway that served as the entrance.

Shortly after, they returned to the large open room that had been the backdrop to their epic clash. Strangely enough, it was completely flaw-free, containing absolutely zero evidence that could prove that a massive battle had taken place inside its walls just a few weeks ago, despite the fact that there shouldn't have been anyone around (or willing) to perform clean-up duties.

Or, that's what they would have thought, if it weren't for the room's other occupant.

"_Oh? What do we have here?_"

She, like Matteus, bore an uncanny resemblance to a member of his team of traveling companions, but this time, it was the reskinned form of Natalie, with all her curves intact. This foe wore what looked to be a black, red, and gold Pope outfit, which meshed well with her unnatural mauve skin color. Her eyes were black pits of tar, with the yellow pupils being the only part not devoid of color. A gem that sported the same color as her eyes sat on her forehead. Her mouth appeared to be somewhat disfigured, and was stretched into a too-wide smile. She wielded a gold-coated spear that evoked the image of a stylized sun, with a shining red gem as the centerpiece.

All told… she left Matteus reeling at her mind-blowing beauty.

It was really quite a shame that his companions did not share his opinion on her.

"Oh my Godcat, what the _hell _is that thing?! Is… that's not supposed to be _me_, is it?!"

Natalie was evidently not pleased in the slightest at this perversion of her likeness.

Lance, on the other hand, muttered something under his breath that forced Matteus to re-evaluate his statement that nobody else thought this potential new foe was really pretty… for about a few seconds.

"Holy crap, she's got my ideal body type! ...but she's also ringing a lot of alarm bells. Especially the skin, and that smile… that's a slasher if I ever did see one. My instincts are telling me to invoke the 'don't stick it in crazy' rule. I think I'll do that."

Despite the rock golem's hopes, Lance's hunch was quickly proven to be correct.

The Natalie look-alike's expression suddenly became the most terrifying thing Matteus had ever seen - somehow, without even physically changing. "_My, it seems that a group of __**sinners **__have wandered into my domain! Praise be to the lord, for he has granted me the honor of cleansing you! WITH __**FIRE **__AND __**HOLY LIGHT**__!_"

She capped off her statement by launching a barrage of blasts consisting of those two things. The team scrambled to dodge, only escaping the projectiles by narrow margins.

Thus, the battle began in earnest.

* * *

Natalia was having an absolutely fantastic day.

She was incredibly grateful that she'd gotten the chance to wake up today. Awareness periods like these were things to be treasured, and to thank the great lord for. Which she did. Many times. More than what would be accepted as healthy by society, some would say.

She would be sure to wipe out whatever sinners may have those thoughts. Anything but complete and total submission to the lord was unacceptable, and any second not spent praying or cleansing evil (that is to say, anything not related to praising her holy lord) was a second wasted.

Speaking of sinners, Natalia was currently in the process of cleansing some of them right now. It was a group of six - though she wondered if she should count the cat as one, because it was a cat, but disregarded that thought since it was clearly attacking her, making it a sinner and thus able to be included as part of the group.

She found it slightly off-putting that one of the group's members looked strikingly similar to herself, but that was also pushed out of mind.

They were annoyingly persistent in their efforts to defeat her, though. Her curse had taken effect immediately after the battle had started, severely weakening their resistance to the divine might of flame and holy light. She delighted in seeing the priceless expression of what she guessed was the group's healer upon her discovery of the fact that her restorative magic had no effect whatsoever. Unfortunately, however, they quickly discovered that while none of their healing spells worked (besides that unbearably irritating, albeit weakened revival spell), they could still use the mysterious rejuvenative abilities of their food to their full effect.

Compounding that was the fact that they were all very hardy, especially the pair of swordsmen, as they took quite a few hits each to send to the ground. While it was humiliating to admit, Natalia had gotten used to being able to slay her adversaries with only a few decisive blows of her mighty Sol Spear, and grown somewhat complacent as a result. Very few of her previous foes had survived past more than five blasts of fire and light, so to suddenly go up against a group of warriors that could power through at least twice that and keep fighting was a harsh reality check.

And even when they did go down, they never stayed down. If any of them hit the ground at some point, another would soon be by their side with a cup of what Natalia guessed was coffee, which would somehow bring their deceased companion back to the land of the living and enable them to jump back into the fray. Of course, she knew that unlike Mana, food was not an unlimited resource, and they would eventually run out of it at some point. But that didn't change the fact that she was very much displeased about their refusal to simply lay down their arms and be cleansed like all sinners should be.

Although, she supposed they weren't completely irredeemable. The rock golem with the oversized sword was quite the looker, with those chiseled (literally) features of his. Natalia also didn't doubt that his, ahem, _other _features were masterfully sculpted, especially his rock hard-

_No! _Bad thoughts! Bad, sinful, naughty, _evil _thoughts! She was a pure, virgin priestess of her lord, not some depraved, unholy maniac! She would _not _entertain such thoughts as long as she served the lord, which meant that she would _never _have those kinds of thoughts ever again! EVER!

_...I wonder what his hands would feel like against my-NO! STOP! THAT WAY LIES HERESY!_

Suffice it to say that Natalia was really hoping that the group would run out of coffee soon. She couldn't wait to rid herself of those tantalizing visions of her and the golem, laying together in a pool of the blood of sinners, while he-NO! There she went again! What was _wrong _with her today?!

A bullet grazing her cheek forcibly refocused her attention back to the battle, and-

Uh…

Okay, apparently she should have given the cat more credit. That… that was unmistakably Godcat, right? It had to be - the cat avatar actually had legs, instead of just a body and head.

But why were there _two _of them?! In opposite color schemes to boot?

And why… was she feeling an irresistible urge to submit to the black one?

Wait, did she just drop her weapon? And why did it feel like she had suddenly been restrained by something wet and sticky?

Why in her lord's great name had a massive container just fallen on her-

The prison flashed white, and Natalia's mind snapped.

* * *

The party of six collectively slumped over in relief when their big box reported a successful capture.

"Well… that was certainly a harrowing experience." Lance panted out between breaths.

"Yeah… I don't think I'll ever be able to look at priests the same way again." Anna agreed.

Natalie seemed more shaken than usual, which made sense for having just won a confrontation with what could be considered her evil twin. "That was terrible… could I have gone that far if I'd taken that church up on their offer all those years ago?"

Matt and NoLegs moved over to console her, while Matteus made for the container and lifted it up and off the ground, throwing it back to whatever hammerspace they pulled it out of when needed. The Natalie carbon-copy laid there, as expected, weapon still where she had let it fall from her grasp, acting very much like Matteus had when he had been captured. Unmoving, eyes open, vacantly staring at the ceiling.

He took this time to admire her close-up, dropping to a knee and silently staring at the fallen zealot. Anyone besides him likely would not have done this, as it was undeniably creepy and stalker-ish, but Matteus didn't really get that. And even if he did, he'd probably still do it just to rub it in everyone else's faces.

Barring that, the sheer pleasure of getting to witness a specimen such as this was worth the scorn of society. Now that he finally got to examine her from a front-row seat, he could really appreciate the finer details, and how they all meshed together to create the total package.

While Matteus was taking his time committing the image to memory (which was taking a while, to the surprise of nobody), the rest of the team eventually made their way over to his side and checked out the spoils of battle for themselves.

Matt spoke up first. "You think whatever happened to Matteus might also happen to her?"

"It's not out of the realm of possibility," Lance answered. "Something definitely happened to her when NoLegs summoned the Creator and Destroyer. Could they have something to do with whatever 'lord' she was ranting and raving about?"

Anna thought on that. "Now that you mention it, I do recall some of the old legends saying that Godcat did end up creating some lesser deities for various reasons. Many of those eventually got so popular that they gained their own following. Maybe the lord her religion worships was one of those deities, and because of that, she instinctively submitted to Godcat?"

"Well, whatever it was, I say we should all be thankful that it neutralized her long enough to get her captured," Natalie finalized. "Anyway, Matteus fainted after he ate Matt's burger, but I don't know if we have anything that can grab her attention…"

She had a point, Matteus thought. He was broken out of his reverie by a mention of food, but this former foe hadn't shown a reaction to any mention of religious things or gods and whatnot, or at least not yet.

While pondering what could bring her back to herself, he idly moved to a position that enabled him to get a better look at her face, incidentally moving his own into her field of vision.

All of a sudden, her yellow pinprick pupils snapped to lock with his, causing her to let out a scream for some reason. She also tried to sit up, only for her attempt to be rendered unsuccessful when her head collided with Matteus's.

While he felt no pain from the impact, the force of the blow coupled with the shock value was enough to make him recoil back and let out a yelp, nearly losing his footing in the process. The black-clad fanatic's pain tolerance, on the other hand, was not as ridiculously elevated as his, cutting off her scream and resulting in her falling back to the ground with her hands covering the point of impact. Her eyes squeezed themselves shut, and she began to emit groans and other noises typical of someone who had just been subjected to self-inflicted blunt force trauma.

The sudden movements jolted the rest of the team, all five of them scrambling up to crowd the injured pyromaniac.

When she was done wallowing in pain, the as-of-now-unnamed woman lifted up her head and opened her eyes, taking in the new sights. She swept her gaze over the entire team… before locking onto the cat.

NoLegs let out a curious meow, and a few seconds later, the priestess fainted.

"Aaaaaand there it is."

"Shut it, Lance."

* * *

Natalia woke up to what sounded like yelling.

"MATT, I ALREADY TOLD YOU-!"

"I DON'T GIVE A CRAP, YA DAMN SQUATTER! GET THE HELL OUT OF MY HOUSE!"

Her vision was still blurry, but was slowly getting clearer by the second. The argument continued to escalate, until she heard the sound of something getting thrown, followed by a door slam.

"AND STAY OUT, CHAD!"

Natalia felt like she was being carried. By what, she couldn't tell, but it seemed very rough and very hard, yet also somewhat smooth.

Before her vision sharpened enough to properly identify her transporter, though, she was laid down on a considerably softer surface. This allowed her to rest easy until her sight fully recovered, which it did in short order.

Now free of ailments, Natalia sat up and turned her head in the direction of the group that had beaten her.

When her eyes once again met the cat's form, something in her mind made a couple connections that ended up altering the way she thought for the rest of her life.

When that was done, she immediately jumped out of the bed and prostrated herself before NoLegs.

"Oh, sweet lord, forgive me! I never intended to deviate so far from your righteous order! Please find it within you to absolve me of my sins and let me devote myself to you!"

"..._what?_"

* * *

**A/N: Kept you waiting, huh?**

**Sorry about that, by the way. I got hit with writer's block on this for a while, so I worked on some of my other stories until I finally got some ideas. (Aysu, are you proud? I'm emulating you, see? lol jk)**

**That said, what do you think? This is the only third-person story I've written on this site so far. I'm used to writing first-person, so this is a bit of a new experience for me. Good thing this place has a review system, otherwise we wouldn't really know how good our story is.**

**Anyway, that's Natalia snatched up and recruited. With this order, I think you can guess who's up next. Quick hint: he's in loose pants a lot, but I'm not sure if he likes to dance a lot.**

**To be continued…**

**[TRANSMISSION ENDED]**


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